Ex not following parenting orders your options

What counts as not following orders

Parenting orders made by a court, including consent orders, are legally binding. A contravention is a breach of those orders. Common examples include not handing over a child at the agreed time, keeping a child longer than ordered, cancelling time without a reason, refusing to attend a changeover, or ignoring orders about schooling, communication or travel.

It helps to separate three different situations. A parenting plan is a written agreement that is not a court order, so it cannot be enforced in the same way. A one-off late arrival caused by traffic is rarely a contravention worth litigating. A repeated pattern of missed or withheld time is quite different. The Family Law Act 1975 sets out how the court treats breaches, and the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia publishes guidance for people in this position.

First steps before any application

Courts expect parents to try to resolve problems sensibly before filing. A measured first response also strengthens your position if you do end up in court later.

1. Read the orders carefully. Check exactly what they say about dates, times, locations and who does what.
2. Write down what happened. Note dates, times and what was said or sent.
3. Raise it once, in writing, calmly. A short message that quotes the order and asks for the arrangement to be followed is enough.
4. Offer a practical fix. Make-up time or a changed handover location can end a dispute quickly.
5. Suggest mediation. A neutral practitioner can help both parents agree on what happens next.

Avoid retaliating by withholding time yourself. Two breaches rarely help either parent, and they hurt the children most.

Your options compared

There is a range of responses, from informal to formal. The right one depends on how serious and how repeated the breach is, and whether it is safe to talk.

Responding to a breach of parenting orders

Option	Best when	Typical speed	Cost level
Direct, written request	First or minor breach	Days	Nil
Family dispute resolution (mediation)	Ongoing friction, orders need adjusting	Weeks	Low to moderate
Lawyer's letter	Repeated breaches, no response	Days to weeks	Moderate
Contravention application	Serious or repeated breaches	Months	High
Police assistance	Recovery order in place, or child at risk	Immediate	Nil

Indicative only. Timeframes and costs vary by registry, complexity and the parties involved.

Police generally do not enforce ordinary parenting orders, but they can act on a recovery order and in emergencies. If a child is at immediate risk, call 000.

Contravention applications explained

If informal steps fail, you can ask the court to deal with the breach by filing a contravention application. The court first asks whether the orders were breached and whether the other parent had a reasonable excuse. If the contravention is proved without excuse, the court has a range of responses, scaled to how serious the breach is.

What a court can do after a proven contravention

Response	What it means
Parenting education	Attending a program to improve compliance
Make-up time	Compensating time with the child that was lost
Bond	A financial promise to comply in future
Costs and compensation	Paying the other parent's legal costs or expenses
Community service or fine	For more serious or repeated breaches
Imprisonment	A last resort for the most serious breaches

Court is the right option for some situations, but it is slow and adversarial. A contravention application also tends to harden positions, which can make co-parenting harder in the long run. Many parents find that the outcome they actually want, reliable and predictable time with their child, is better reached by agreement. Our guide to changing parenting orders without court explains how.

Reasonable excuse and what courts consider

A parent is not penalised for a breach if the court is satisfied they had a reasonable excuse. This commonly arises where a parent genuinely believed, on reasonable grounds, that complying would put a child's health or safety at risk, or where the breach was outside their control, such as illness or a transport failure. The excuse must be reasonable and the breach must have been no longer than necessary to protect the child.

Courts also look at the pattern, the child's age and wishes, the harm caused and what each parent did to try to fix it. The Australian Institute of Family Studies has published research showing that children cope best when both parents keep arrangements predictable. If you have a genuine safety concern, raise it through proper channels rather than simply stopping time, and get advice quickly.

Why mediation is often the smarter first step

Court has its place, but it is rarely the best place to start. A breach often signals that the orders no longer fit: school hours have changed, a parent has moved, a teenager has different needs, or work shifts make handovers impossible. Mediation lets both parents fix the cause rather than punish the symptom.

• Faster: sessions can be arranged in days or weeks, not months.
• Cheaper: a fraction of the cost of contested court proceedings.
• Flexible: new arrangements can be tailored and then formalised as consent orders.
• Less damaging: it preserves the working relationship you will need for years.

Registered family dispute resolution practitioners can also issue a section 60I certificate if mediation does not work, which is generally required before filing parenting applications. See the Attorney-General's Dept — Family Dispute Resolution overview and our section 60I certificate guide. Family lawyers and mediators work well together here, and your lawyer can review any agreement before you sign.

When safety comes first

Mediation is not appropriate in every case. If there is family violence, a safety risk to you or the children, or a refusal to engage in good faith, the court process may be the right path, and exemptions from family dispute resolution can apply. In an emergency, call 000. For confidential support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (1800RESPECT). Read more in our guide to domestic violence and family law.

Where it is safe but conflict is high, shuttle mediation keeps parents in separate rooms while a practitioner moves between them.

Keeping a clear, calm record

Whatever path you take, a clear record helps. Keep it factual and short.

• A dated log of missed, late or cancelled handovers.
• Copies of messages, kept in the original format.
• Any make-up time you offered and the reply.
• Notes of the effect on the children, described neutrally.

Stick to facts and keep your tone civil. A judge, a mediator or a lawyer will all respond better to a measured record than to an angry one. Do not secretly record conversations without checking the law first; see can you record your ex. If you want to avoid repeat problems, a clear parenting plan or updated consent orders can help.